Three

Three.

Three, so far, sucks.  It will be the death of me. Or maybe him. Or maybe both, I haven't decided yet.

Three actually had a head start back around the first of the year, about when Delaney had been around for 2-3 weeks, and it was obvious to Carter that she wasn't going anywhere. We started seeing tantrums, the attitude level of a preteen, and aggression towards other children, to name a few.  I thought it would get better when he went back to school and when we moved, so that he wasn't cooped up in a one bedroom apartment with all of us, but it really hasn't yet.

I always thought it was the terrible twos, and two was tough, but three year old Carter makes two year old Carter look like an angel from heaven.  Now everyone is saying oh yeah, its the terrible threes, not the terrible twos. And a friend recently wrote on Facebook that she is having the terribles sixes at her house?? Oh good gravy, I can't handle this again.

The most frustrating thing about it is that I literally don't know what else to do, and I am so tired of feeling like I am constantly reprimanding or spanking him. (Yes, we spank, deal with it) Now that I am back at work, I spend significantly less time with him, and I really don't want that time to be in a negative light. I am trying many different approaches, and have started trying to explain to him that his behavior and the way he talks to me make me very sad, but I am not sure he is getting that either. And he really only has this attitude with me, a bit with Christiaan, but mostly with me. 

From what I am being told of what happens at his school, he is quite the bully.  He has been hitting kids, either with his own hands or with toys, and even has begun to bite. BITE. I mean really. He wasn't really a biter per se back when it was age appropriate for him to be, but now all the sudden he is doing it. That is what makes it so disturbing. And even more disturbing, they are noticing that a lot of his aggression and lashing out is directed towards girls. I don't know if this has anything to do with having a new sister stealing his show, but from what I have always learned in psychology classes, he really isn't even at an age yet where he understands the gender difference. So I have no idea.

Most of the issues occur at school, he doesn't do this at church or with any other group of children. In fact, when we pick him up from Sunday school, we are told every time how wonderful and sweet he is. Are they lying to me?? And it really didn't start up until a few weeks after he moved up to the next class, where my aunt Karen is not the teacher, and there are several very physical kids that make for a volatile situation together. So I am wondering if he is seeing this behavior and learning from them, on top of having a hard time learning to be three and a big brother.

He's a great kid, hilarious, very verbal, chock full of energy, and we think he's a genius. So I would really love it if I could feel more like I am enjoying his presence.  I know as a mom that I have an obligation to raise upstanding citizens, and as a teacher I see example after example of how not to be a good parent. That along with seeing other kids his age behave better than that I guess put pressure on me to not back down in my disciplining. But I don't want him to resent me, or not want to spend time with me. He says he's Momma's boy, but does he really feel that way?? How do I know if I am being an effective parent?

I guess he will turn out okay, we will see. I really think this is just a phase, not how he will be for the rest of his life, because he hasn't always been this way. But I am more than ready for this phase to be over! I just want my sweet boy back.